Recently I was asked, “Do you whip your sub every night?” Before I answer the question, my usual
caveat: all I can tell you about is my experiences. This is how it works for me, both now and in past D/s relationships. Here is a typical 'Week in the Life'.
Monday: Errands. Groceries. Finally at 11:10 we get alone-time. But one or both of us have an early morning meeting. On a night like this, there are no whips, floggers or even bondage. There are almost always subtle ‘elements’ of BDSM - but otherwise, it’s quite similar to vanilla sex. I might pull and twist her nipples while we kiss, standing up. Basically using some pain and control as foreplay. But it’s late, and we have sex like any couple would.
Tuesday: Friends drop by unexpectedly. They stay longer than they should, leaving after midnight. We both work in the a.m., so sex might be something as simple as mutual masturbation. Quick and easy. Fun. After all, as you know, it’s easier to fall asleep satisfied.
Wed: The Air Conditioner (or whatever) breaks. Repair guy is over. Finally he leaves, but someone needs to be picked up at the subway in 20 minutes. We have just enough time to squeeze in a quick fast fuck.
Friday: My sub is out with her girlfriends, for a girl's night out. I might surf some porn. In the morning, she might take a bath, and rub out a quickie while she reads in the tub.
Sunday: Finally - two hours alone. Two whole hours! This might be the one night where I can tie her up, pour hot wax on her tits, use some new toy we bought, use a flogger on her tits, etc. etc.
The point is this - the average or typical BDSM couple probably:
1. Have sex more often than vanilla couples. (BDSMers love sex).
2. Are not doing hardcore domination nightly (just not realistic).
3. Typically, BDSM people love variety.
4. There are often soft elements of BDSM, but great sex can be quite vanilla too!
5. If we have one pure dedicated BDSM session per week, that’s about right.
So, back to the original question: Do I whip my sub every night? Ahhhh, that would be no!